Power Networking Business News: A Good Life With A Good Wife

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

A Good Life With A Good Wife

A Good Life With A Good Wife

by John Raye

Having reached the age of emotional and psychological maturity, I now awake daily with the recurring thought that through all of the ups and downs, life has been pretty good to me.

For one thing, I am a happy Black man, married to an equally happy Black woman who has stood behind, in front, and besides me, come this August, for 45 years. I am fully aware that in an age where most marriages end in divorce court, staying happily married to one woman for forty-five years is nothing short of an absolute miracle!

Fortunate is the man, they say, who finds his calling, his purpose or the work he was born into the world to do. I agree. However, I would add that fortunate also is the man who finds himself a good wife, or a woman who finds herself a good husband.

To Love And Be Loved

I consider myself divinely blessed because the universe sent me a sanctified, purified, right-thinking, right-acting, sugar-coated, sweet smelling, God-sensitive, loving and lovable Black woman who, after 45 years, is still able to put some pep in my step, some glide in my stride and some sunshine on my mind! She is a phenomenal woman, a holy ghost-filled woman who stands not only by her man, but also with her man. My baby, after 45 years still has her mojo working!

She is a woman who loves to be loved! And she knows how to love! She also knows the distinct difference between agitation and adulation. She knows how to be a woman! Now that is the real secret to sustaining a positive relationship…how to be your authentic self!!

I know of no greater blessing than to love and be loved by a soul mate who will love and cherish you just the way you are, not the way she or he wants you to be. Real love, therefore, must extend beyond physical attraction and personal intimacy. Sexual desires and sexual intimacy while normal and natural, cannot sustain a harmonious relationship.

Sex may be, and often is, the perfect combination that brings two people together, but it is not the vital link that will maintain that bond forever. Whitney may sing her heart out about “good loving is all I need”, but history teaches us that good loving also has certain limitations.

There comes a time when the sex urge surrenders to the passage of time. What do you do when the urge disappears? When the fire flickers and flames out? When your sugar pie balloons from a sexy size 8 to a jolly 22? Those once passionate evenings of steamy lovemaking now reside in the dark shadows of a distant memory. Time, you see, erases everything, the good, the bad, and even the beautiful!

But true love, real love, between a man and women is a sure thing. Not even death, the great equalizer, can wipe out true love. True love is, of course, universal love and as such, is not limited by time, space, condition or circumstance. True love is supreme love, the kind that last forever. Jesus, for example, exemplifies true love. His life, I believe is one worthy of emulation. You never forget this kind of love. Life becomes one happy, extended journey when one becomes more Christ-like by walking, talking, teaching and preaching like Jesus. Wasn’t Jesus all about love?

Preserve And Protect Your Love

Love, like faith, is work in action. You nourish, preserve and protect that which you love. You wouldn’t let a fox stand guard at the hen house, would you? Learn to protect and preserve that special person in your life. In other words, when you find a “good thing”, hold on to it!!

As a lord of this earth, it is your sacred duty to protect your domain. You are the guardian of a great legacy and your responsibility is to make sure future generations benefit from this legacy. You do realize, of course, that someone stood in the gap long before you and I got here, don’t you?

I am eternally grateful for my past, and most grateful and optimistic about my future because life, difficult moments not withstanding, is about expansion. Having survived the lasting vestiges of slavery and segregation, I can celebrate my good fortune because I am still here, and still doing the work, I was put on this good earth to do.

And in doing my work, I found a good thing in this good woman who one day, some 45 years ago, walked quietly into my life. That day, was a defining moment because I’ve never been quiet the same since. Like most men, I work hard, really, to satisfy this special woman. When you love something, you work hard to cherish and protect it.

Women Have Special Powers

I know for a fact that women have been blessed with special powers. And any man with good sense will admit to this because most men are made or unmade by the women in their lives. There is no denying the influence of a well-balanced woman who is in lock-step with her purpose. With a good woman at his side, whispering the right words into his ear, an unconfused man becomes unstoppable because women are the supreme confidence builders, the pillars of faith and rock-solid courage, the primary opinion makers, and mind shapers. A good woman can put some backbone back into a weak man and make him stand up, even when he doesn’t want to do so.

At the same time, and more than anything else, a woman of ill-repute can quickly bring down a good man. Of course, this works both ways; a good woman can just as easily and quickly get messed up by a foolish, bone-headed man, also. Few men will admit to it, but women largely control just about everything in society including the man. However, this hardly matters because so much of a woman’s power goes unused, unnoticed, underutilized and really, unknown. And power is like knowledge; it means nothing unless applied!

Many women, therefore, end up in unhappy relationships because of the misuse or more specifically, the non-use of their special powers. Any woman can control and dominate any man when she understands and make use of her special gifts. But one must know how to use what one has been blessed with!! Sisters, get busy and start learning about your special gifts. If you don’t know, go talk to women who have kept their man at home and from roaming for 40 or more years. They are in full flight, using every ounce of that divine power. Most men are trainable, and therefore, must be trained to remain focus on one thing, and that one thing is you…a good woman! However, no animal can be trained unless you first get its attention. So the question becomes, (1) how does one get a man’s attention and (2) how does one hold it! Find some right-thinking sisters,( with man-handling experience) ask them, and then follow their lead!

Conflict, confusion and chaos leads to mental imbalance and causes abject ignorance. You can never master another person, change a situation or condition, until you master yourself. And you can never master or control yourself, or anyone else, until you gain a clear understanding of yourself.

Self-Love Is The Answer

Self-love begins with the acquisition of self-knowledge. Ignorance emerges when knowledge is denied, mis-applied, mis-directed or ignored. Knowledge without application is ignorance in disguise.

It is a known fact that self-love begets self-respect. Thus the formula for a long-lasting, unforgettable love affair begins, we do declare, with the acquisition of self-knowledge which, in turn, leads to self-love, which then gives birth to self-respect. Couples who have been together for a long time will admit to having a heavy dose of self -love and mutual respect for each other. This makes so much sense because you cannot respect another human being unless you first learn to respect yourself.

The Law of Respect begins with the Black woman. God knows, this has to be a special human being. She is the crown jewel of the human family, the backbone of the Black family, and a rock of solidarity in a leaderless, floundering, frustrated and severely fragmented Black community.

She has withstood the horrors of slavery, watched helpless as her husband and children were lynched, brutalized, snatched and sold away to other slavers. Against her will, she was forced to submit to the lustful desires of the slave master, bore his children as well as her own, a condition which continues to this day. Under the most oppressive, unimaginative conditions, she remains, even now, the glue that keeps the Black family together. What manner of woman is this?

An Angel In Disguise

Let it be known that the universe has smiled upon us in the form of the Black woman who is nothing more than an angel in disguise. The fact that we have survived the most hellish conditions since the dawn of civilization, can be traced directly back to the survival instincts of the Black woman. She is the mother of all mothers, the unseen angel for millions of motherless, fatherless, homeless Black children, and sometimes, undependable, disgruntled, frustrated and confused Black men.

How does one honor such a gift? Take a moment and consider how you got here, and who raised you, and who, to this day, sustains you and your sometimes quirky personality. Living successfully and harmoniously with a Black man has never been an easy undertaking because society, even to this day, refuses to grant, recognized or acknowledge his manhood, and his right to be treated like other men. Because he is so despised or ignored by the larger society, the Black man, in many instances, has become a victim of his own self-hate. He has turned in on himself, despised, hated and rejected by the larger society to such an extent that he has begun to despise his fellow Black brothers and sisters, as well as himself. This is one confused animal.

He has not learned how to love and appreciate himself, and his own special qualities which are nothing less than divine and unique. This is due directly to his devil-driven oppressor who, during 400 years of involuntary slavery, tampered with his mind.

No doubt, the spirit of the Black man has been modified, marginalized and compromised to such an extent that he has temporarily lost control of himself. Such a man can only be put back into his right mind by a righteous, right-thinking, right-acting woman of color who understands that she is dealing with a wounded animal. The Black woman is a natural born psychologist. Somewhere in your family line, even in your darkest hours, listen closely and you will hear the sounds of her reassuring voice. She is the unseen angel that sustains all of us. My, my, what a magnificent gift the universe has sent us!

----John Raye is the author of “Make Yourself Great” and director for MATAH products and ComproTax. Reach him at (336) 996-4704 or johnraye@matah.com


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